where books take me

where books take me

Monday, May 23, 2011

i was there

at 10.45 malam
we received a call from mama an
she asked me to 'bring ayah to the hospital (referring to IJN) ,now..'
the IJN is just opposite from our place
so i called yeop to pick us up and send us

sampai2 wad
arwah was wearing the oxygen mask
gasping for air
but she was still concious
she nodded when maksu asked her whether she recognized me and ayah
then the nurses came in
checking her blood pressure
then we saw arwah like sleeping
the nurses checks her eyes
thou im no medic student
i understood when the nurse said
'pupil, no response'
arwah was already unconcious
an indian male doctor came in
asked the nurses about the details
then the nurses said for us to wait outside
at that point, everyone was still calm

after a few minutes,
the doctor came to see us
'she just had an acute coronary syndrome or a major heart attack'
'we'll try our best to save her, we're going to tube the lungs
help her respire'
'she has gone to stroke, that's why she's unconcious'

maksu terduduk on the hospital floor
mama an, maksu n kak qish already cried
the doctor said 'now we're doing everything we can'
and went back in

the nurses we're very busy
then an announcement were made tru the hospital
'code blue, 2nd floor, wad tanjung, room 6'
then i knew that it was very serious
one by one, doctors came in running into the ward
there was at least 4 doctors and 6 nurses
busy doing all sorts of stuff inside the room
ayah was still calm
but his eyes were red
still holding back his tears
he looks very tired

then arwah was sent down to the CCU(Critical Care Unit) ward
the doctors asked us to wait for awhile to let them settle everything
we waited for about 20 minutes in the waiting room
everyone came
tok chik, ayahanda, pah su,pah mama, pah umi, tok taib,
baba, tikah, relatives and friends staying near..
then the nurse called us in
with courage i sent ayah (on the wheelchair) by arwah's side
fluids were tubed
oxygen tubed into her lungs
the lungs can be seen expanding, like breathing

everyone was crying
pah mama, mama an started to whisper to arwah's ears
i was beside maksu, holding her if she fell
she was shivering, crying, in her whispers of prayer, holding arwah's hand
i cried, but i know i had to be strong for them
i hold it in, selawat and whispering prayers..
ayah was also whispering prayers while holding arwah's legs..

i watched the heart rate monitor the whole time..
when we first came in,
the rate was 123 beats per minute
then slowly
i watched it descends
beat by beat
until it reaches 53-50
a nurse came in
told us to whisper the syahadah to arwah's ears
tok kama starts to recite prayers, loudly
while pah mama and mama an whispers the syahadah to the ears

i saw the heart rate rapidly descends
from 49-16
then rapidly to zero when tok kama finishes his prayer

tok chik came in and asked us to slowly tell them that arwah's gone
maksu almost fell, but she stood right up, kissed on the forehead
took my hand as we exited the room

we all went to the waiting room
i stood beside ayah
his hands were covering his eyes (like people having headache)
then tears burst
he cried
that was the first time ive ever saw my father
whom never showed his problems and weakness in front of us
then around 3 o'clock in the morning
together with 4 cars, and van jenazah
we went straight to arwah's house
clean the house
and set up everything
prayers and yasin recital were held all morning till evening..
mandi jenazah was held around 3,
kafan around 4,
everyone kissed arwah on the forehead
with non-stop prayers

after a'sar,
solat jenazah was held at the nearest mosque
then we all went to
'Tanah Perkuburan Rapat Setia'
arwah rests there together with arwah's husband (my atuk) and arwah's mom (nyang)

i was there
i saw the whole process
its an experience i'll never forget

to allahyarhamah
syarifah zain

Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya..
p/s : segala dan semua yang hidup, pasti akan pergi..
kita sendiri yang akan menentukan dalam keadaan yang bagaiman bakal kita berjumpa dengan Allah swt nanti..

Monday, May 16, 2011



u might not be the most beautiful person in the world

but you are to me


Monday, May 9, 2011


afraid of taking risks
how i want to tell you that im fragile
i cant bear to be heartbroken
its too painful

i want us to be friends
i used to hate someone for not accepting commitments
now i realised why
can we be friends???

not more and not less
taking care when in need
and leave when necessary
i dont want to be too attached
too trusted
it might break my heart later
its too risky

can we be friends??

normal friends.

i hope you'll understand
my past made me guarded
i lost a lover
together with a very dear friend
im naive
too believing
im a person who'd say yes to anything
but i wished for a moment id never say it
for that one thing

dont think about me too much
dont praise me too much
*i might break your heart

im collecting friends
making 'ukhuwah'

can we be friends??
i hope we could