where books take me

where books take me

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

let's read....!

we are 20
kan??
it's the age of an adult..
this is when we start to search for our ultimate soulmate
our own imam or for the guys, suri..
love alone isnt enough.
there are things that we should look through before marrying someone.
marriage is tanggungjawab.
thus,
we need to choose our partner carefully


then, friends, let's read...

There is a right way and a wrong way to get to know someone for marriage.  The wrong way is to get caught up in the excitement and nuance of a budding relationship and in the process completely forget to ask the critical questions that help determine compatibility.  One of the biggest mistakes that many young Muslims make is rushing into marriage without properly and thoroughly getting to know someone.  A common myth is that the duration of a courtship is an accurate enough measure of how compatible two people are.  The logic follows that the longer you speak with someone, the better you will know them.  The problem with that premise is that no consideration is given to how that time is spent. Increasingly, young Muslim couples are engaging in “halal dating,” which is basically socializing with each other in the company of friends and/or family. This includes going out to dinner, watching a movie, playing some sport or other leisure activity, etc.  Depending on the family or culture, conversations are either minimal & chaperoned or worse, unrestricted and unsupervised. When you consider these  limitations it makes one wonder when exactly, if ever at all, would the critical conversations take place?  Unfortunately, for many, the answer is never and they live to suffer the consequences.  If you or someone you know is in the “getting to know someone” phase,  the following guide offers advice on exactly what to look for and avoid:
1) Do Not Marry Potential:  Oftentimes men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change.  This is the wrong approach on both accounts.  Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential.  There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them.  These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc.
2) Choose Character over Chemistry:  While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote follows, “Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning.” The idea of falling “in love” should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love.  The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness. Here’s a breakdown of each trait:
  • Humility: The humble person never makes demands of people but rather always does right by them. They put their values and principles above convenience and comfort.  They are slow to anger, are modest, and avoid materialism.
  • Kindness: The kind person is the quintessential giver. They seek to please and minimize the pain of others. To know if a person is a giver, observe how they treat their family, siblings, and parents. Do they have gratitude towards their parents for all that they’ve done for them? If not, then know that they will never appreciate what you do for them. How do they treat people they don’t have to be kind towards (i.e. waiters, sales associates, employees, etc)? How do they spend their money?  How do they deal with anger; their own anger and their reaction to someone else’s anger?
  • Responsibility: A responsible person has stability in their finances, relationships, job, and character.  You can you rely on this person and trust what they say.
  • Happiness: A happy person is content with their portion in life. They feel good about themselves and good about their life. They focus on what they have rather than on what they don’t have.  They very rarely complain.
3) Do Not Neglect The  Emotional Needs of Your Partner:  Both men and women have emotional needs and in order for a partnership to be successful those needs must be mutually met. The fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved.  The fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated.  To make a woman feel loved give her the three AAAs:  Attention, Affection, & Appreciation.  To make a man feel loved give him the three RRRs:  Respect, Reassurance, & Relief.  It is the obligation of each partner to make sure the other is happy and this extends to intimacy as well. As long as each partner is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the intimate relationship will thrive.  When a man takes seriously the emotional needs of his wife she will feel more encouraged to fulfill his sexual desires. Likewise, when a woman takes seriously the emotional needs of her husband he will feel more encouraged to give her the affection, love and appreciation she wants from him. Working together in this way encourages both giving and receiving.
4) Avoid Opposing Life Plans:  In marriage you can either grow together or grow apart. Sharing a common purpose in life will increase the chance that you will grow together.
  • You must know what the person is into. In other words, what are they ultimately passionate about?  Then ask yourself, “Do I respect this passion?” “Do I respect what they are into?”
  • The more specifically you define yourself, i.e., your values, your beliefs, your lifestyle, the better chance you have of finding your life partner, your soul mate, the one you are most compatible with.
  • Remember, before you decide who to take along on a trip, you should first figure out your destination.
5) Avoid Pre-Marital Sexual/Physical Activity:
  • Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why God has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman.
  • Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them.
  • Intellectual commitment must be established before emotional or sexual commitment.
6) Avoid Lack of Emotional Connection:  There are four questions that you must answer YES to:
  • Do I respect and admire this person?  What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
  • Do I trust this person?  Can I rely on them?  Do I trust their judgment?  Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say?
  • Do I feel Safe?  Do I feel emotionally safe with this person?  Can I be vulnerable?  Can I be myself?  Can I be open?  Can I express myself?
  • Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?
If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.” keep evaluating until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you don’t feel safe now, you won’t feel safe when you are married.  If you don’t trust now, this won’t change when you are married!
7) Pay Attention to Your Own Emotional Anxiety: Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage.  Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage.  When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions.  Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship.  If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship.  Look for the following things:
  • Controlling behavior: This includes controlling the way you act, the way you think, the way you dress, the way you wear your hair/hijab and the way you spend your time.  Know the difference between suggestions and demands.  Demands are an expression of control and if the demands are implied, than you must do it or there will be consequences. All of these are clear indications of abusive personalities.
  • Anger issues: This is someone who raises their voice on a regular basis, who is angry, gets angry at you, uses anger against you, uses put downs, and curses at you, etc.  You don’t have to put up with this type of treatment.  Many people who tolerate this behavior usually come from abusive backgrounds.  If this is the case with you or someone you know, get help right away.  Deal with those issues before getting married or before even thinking about getting married.
Beware of Lack of Openness In Your Partner:  Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the onset.  Ask yourself, “What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?” “What bothers me about this person or the relationship?”  It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you, things that concern you, and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion. Then you must have an honest discussion about them. This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Bringing up issues when there’s conflict is a great opportunity to really evaluate how well you communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team.  When people get into power struggles and blame each other, it’s an indication they don’t work well as a team.  Also important is being vulnerable around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds.  How do they handle it?  Are they defensive?  Do they attack?  Do they withdraw?  Do they get annoyed?  Do they blame you?  Do they ignore it?  Do they hide or rationalize it?  Don’t just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it!
9) Beware of Avoiding Personal Responsibility: It’s very important to remember no one else is responsible for your happiness. Many people make the mistake of thinking someone else will fulfill them and make their life better and that’s their reason for getting married.  People fail to realize that if they are unhappy as a single person, they will continue to be miserable when they are married.  If you are currently not happy with yourself, don’t like yourself, don’t like the direction your life is going now, it’s important to take responsibility for that now and work on improving those areas of your life before considering marriage.  Don’t bring these issues into your marriage and hope your partner will fix them.
10) Watch Out For Lack of Emotional Health and Availability In Your Potential Partner:  Many people choose partners that are not emotionally healthy or available. One huge problem is when a partner is unable to balance the emotional ties to family members, the marriage ends up having 3 (or more) people in it rather than two. An example of this would be if a man is overly dependent on his mother and brings that relationship into the marriage; this is no doubt a recipe for disaster.  Also important to consider are the following:
  • Avoid people who are emotionally empty inside.  These include people who don’t like themselves because they lack the ability to be emotionally available. They are always preoccupied with their deficiencies, insecurities, and negative thoughts.  They are in a perpetual fight with depression, never feel good, are isolated, are critical and judgmental; tend to not have any close friends, and often distrust people or are afraid of them.  Another clear indication about them is they always feel their needs are not getting met; they have a sense of entitlement and feel angry when they feel people should take care of them and they don’t.  They feel burdened by other people’s needs and feel resentment towards them.  These people can not be emotionally available to build healthy relationships.
  • Addictions can also limit the level of availability of the partner to build a strong emotional relationship.  Never marry an addict.  Addictions are not limited to drugs and alcohol.  They can be about addictions and dependency on work, internet, hobbies, sports, shopping, money, power, status, materialism, etc.  When someone has an addiction, they will not and can not be emotionally available to develop an intimate relationship with you!
Additional Points to Consider:
  1. The fact is no one looks 25 forever.  Ultimately, we love the person we marry for more than their appearance.  When we get to know someone we love and admire, we’ll love them for their inner beauty and overall essence.
  2. Once we find someone, we consciously or subconsciously want so badly for it all to work that we decide not to question or see what is clearly in front of our eyes: they were rude to the waiter, speaks ill of others, is rude to you, etc.  We don’t stop to ask, “What does all of this mean about their character?”
  3. Never separate someone from their family, background, education, belief system, etc.  Asking clear questions can clarify this.  Ask questions like, “What does it mean to have a simple lifestyle?” “What are your expectations of marriage?”  “How would you help around the house?” Compare your definition with theirs.
  4. Be flexible.  Be open-minded!
  5. Giving in a happy marriage should not be confused with martyrdom.  It should be about taking pleasure and seeing the other person as happy because of your connection with them.
  6. Morality and spirituality are the qualities that truly define someone in addition to beauty, money, and health.  The morally upright and spiritual person will stand by your side during adversity and hardship.  If someone isn’t God-conscience and doesn’t take themselves into account with God then why should you expect them to fulfill their rights owed to you? The ideal partner is someone who considers giving a gain and not causing a loss.  Having a mutual and shared spiritual relationship will foster a successful marriage.  Furthermore, a successful marriage is one that keeps the laws of family purity which require a certain degree of self-control and self-discipline, as well as the belief that the physical side of the relationship includes the spiritual and emotional side as well.  Finding commonality and balance between the spiritual and emotional aspects of a relationship is a strong key to a healthy and thriving marriage.~N.H & H.M
~ taken from a blog. hope its useful for u..<3

p/s : anwaqhadiaq, please marry me ^_^ <3muahahaha

Sunday, October 9, 2011

the path is laid..

after awhile...
a long while i'd say
UNIVERSITI MALAYSIA PAHANG
is destined to be the place i'd be in the next chapter of my life
gilaa jaoh...!
taklah..
dekat kot
banding ngan org laen
(kan ned??huhu)


 meeting new friends
new environment
making new memories
sib beklah ada geng2 utara kmpp




shahli ada
liliana ada
shanas pun ada

*wink


*seronok kot bersama mereka2



CLASSES...

kat kelas,
walaupun kene sindir
oleh mereka2 yg TERHEBAT!
*yela, second intakela katekn
sapala kmi nih...
banding ngan ampa2 yg terror2 blaka, 4flat blaka...
kn?



LIKE I CARE!
i have faith in Allah 
^_^
ampa jeleszla tuu~
cheq ada Allah besama cheq
<3





jaoh2 camni, 1st time la heebee merasa HOMESICK!
tak pernah2 nk homesick
kat sini, sampai2 ja dah tringat kt mama n ayah
*adess




kuat semangat!
<3


p/s : nama saya yong, terima kasih!


.the path has been laid, now the only thing to do is to workhard.






Thursday, September 8, 2011

humbled ^_^

perhati

monitoring
stalking my bff's
haha
.pathetic.
kn?
im afraid if i talk to them or text them
i might cry
no more tears
whats in front should be happy things
kn3?!



yela~
we're making our own history
following our dreams
achieving goals
gaining experiences
making more memories
.good things.
i'll be missing u guys a lot!
*nadiah saari
*siti nadzirah
 and everyone
thou im still waiting for my own future
patiently*
dont mind me
.GO.
.strive for the excellence.


i know u can do it!
^_^



*im always praying for u


p/s : do pray for me too <3

heebee humbled.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

you're HIRED!

 heebee is currently hired
can you believe it
??
*senyum kambing



i think its funny
im WORKING?
*lol


no more all day internet surfing
no more eating n eating
(diet mode)
*actually tak pernah diet pun


dugeun dugeun


i have butterflies inside my tummy
they're dancing to Northern Downpour (panic!at the disco)
and since yesterday, they wudnt stop!


hoping that it'll be fine tomorrow.
i hope im going to be just fine.


^^"






E
S
G


its EYE CONTACT
SMILE
and GREETING
p/s : YAAAAAAAAA!!!!! .im a dead meat.

Monday, May 23, 2011

i was there

at 10.45 malam
we received a call from mama an
she asked me to 'bring ayah to the hospital (referring to IJN) ,now..'
the IJN is just opposite from our place
so i called yeop to pick us up and send us


sampai2 wad
arwah was wearing the oxygen mask
gasping for air
but she was still concious
she nodded when maksu asked her whether she recognized me and ayah
then the nurses came in
checking her blood pressure
then we saw arwah like sleeping
the nurses checks her eyes
thou im no medic student
i understood when the nurse said
'pupil, no response'
arwah was already unconcious
 
 
an indian male doctor came in
asked the nurses about the details
then the nurses said for us to wait outside
at that point, everyone was still calm


after a few minutes,
the doctor came to see us
'she just had an acute coronary syndrome or a major heart attack'
'we'll try our best to save her, we're going to tube the lungs
help her respire'
'she has gone to stroke, that's why she's unconcious'


maksu terduduk on the hospital floor
mama an, maksu n kak qish already cried
the doctor said 'now we're doing everything we can'
and went back in



the nurses we're very busy
then an announcement were made tru the hospital
'code blue, 2nd floor, wad tanjung, room 6'
then i knew that it was very serious
one by one, doctors came in running into the ward
there was at least 4 doctors and 6 nurses
busy doing all sorts of stuff inside the room
ayah was still calm
but his eyes were red
still holding back his tears
he looks very tired



then arwah was sent down to the CCU(Critical Care Unit) ward
the doctors asked us to wait for awhile to let them settle everything
we waited for about 20 minutes in the waiting room
everyone came
tok chik, ayahanda, pah su,pah mama, pah umi, tok taib,
baba, tikah, relatives and friends staying near..
then the nurse called us in
with courage i sent ayah (on the wheelchair) by arwah's side
fluids were tubed
oxygen tubed into her lungs
the lungs can be seen expanding, like breathing


everyone was crying
pah mama, mama an started to whisper to arwah's ears
'ALLAH..ALLAH..ALLAH..'
i was beside maksu, holding her if she fell
she was shivering, crying, in her whispers of prayer, holding arwah's hand
i cried, but i know i had to be strong for them
i hold it in, selawat and whispering prayers..
ayah was also whispering prayers while holding arwah's legs..
 


i watched the heart rate monitor the whole time..
when we first came in,
the rate was 123 beats per minute
then slowly
i watched it descends
beat by beat
until it reaches 53-50
a nurse came in
told us to whisper the syahadah to arwah's ears
tok kama starts to recite prayers, loudly
while pah mama and mama an whispers the syahadah to the ears



i saw the heart rate rapidly descends
from 49-16
then rapidly to zero when tok kama finishes his prayer

tok chik came in and asked us to slowly tell them that arwah's gone
maksu almost fell, but she stood right up, kissed on the forehead
took my hand as we exited the room



we all went to the waiting room
i stood beside ayah
his hands were covering his eyes (like people having headache)
then tears burst
he cried
that was the first time ive ever saw my father
whom never showed his problems and weakness in front of us
cried
 
 
 
then around 3 o'clock in the morning
together with 4 cars, and van jenazah
we went straight to arwah's house
clean the house
and set up everything
prayers and yasin recital were held all morning till evening..
mandi jenazah was held around 3,
kafan around 4,
everyone kissed arwah on the forehead
with non-stop prayers



after a'sar,
solat jenazah was held at the nearest mosque
then we all went to
'Tanah Perkuburan Rapat Setia'
arwah rests there together with arwah's husband (my atuk) and arwah's mom (nyang)



i was there
i saw the whole process
its an experience i'll never forget



al-fatihah
to allahyarhamah
syarifah zain



Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya..
 
 
 
p/s : segala dan semua yang hidup, pasti akan pergi..
kita sendiri yang akan menentukan dalam keadaan yang bagaiman bakal kita berjumpa dengan Allah swt nanti..
 

Monday, May 16, 2011

fallin'






<3




u might not be the most beautiful person in the world


but you are to me


<3

Monday, May 9, 2011

risks

afraid of taking risks
how i want to tell you that im fragile
i cant bear to be heartbroken
its too painful




i want us to be friends
i used to hate someone for not accepting commitments
now i realised why
can we be friends???




not more and not less
taking care when in need
and leave when necessary
i dont want to be too attached
too trusted
it might break my heart later
its too risky



can we be friends??



normal friends.


i hope you'll understand
my past made me guarded
i lost a lover
together with a very dear friend
im naive
too believing
im a person who'd say yes to anything
but i wished for a moment id never say it
for that one thing

dont think about me too much
dont praise me too much
*i might break your heart


im collecting friends
making 'ukhuwah'



can we be friends??
i hope we could

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

.bersantai.




sangat suke mnonton gelagat inche sorang ni..
comeyl dan sangatla lekkluu...
:DD


name dberi matluthfi..
tryla follow kt youtube

bezst3!


duduk rumah

.jadi anak dara mithali.

bile bosan,

.novel n books.
.youtube.
.mysoju.
 .blogstalking.
.fbstalking.
 .deviantart.
.writing.
 .reading.
.more reading.




next month baru start keje as my bro will send the car back..
ill be able to drive on my own..

*wink2


my friends are applying kt JPN, primary school teacher,
nak jugakla!
interesting lagi dari jadi cashier or promoter.
kan!



:D


nanti diorang panggil 'cikgu'..


huhu


heebee boleyh ke jadi cikgu?
boleyh insyaAllah...

.suke.



heebee awaits for her new adventure in her newest chapter of her life ^_^
 

Thursday, April 21, 2011

again...

i hate goodbyes....


berpisah lagi dengan hamba Allah hamba Allah yg sangat baik dn comel2...
sahabat2 yg sntiase disisi...



ades.
camne nk hadapi...
baru sampai rumah da tringat kt dak kecik, nina, yg slalu 
mengadu : "kak kinaa...malas nak mandi...." atau
"kak kinaa....lapar...."....




nadiah saari and ct nadzirah pulak,
ades.
tak tau kalau lepas ni akan jumpe kawan macam kamu2 lagi..



sape nak dengar saye merepek....
sape nak cakap kat saye yg saye kene kuat....
sape yg nak suruh saye jd berani....??

(??)




hurmmm...
adat pertemuan...
tapi tak sanggup nk bpisah dengan ned n ben...




kamu....





<3




im missing you two